In Memoriam

Short reflective sketch written in honor of a loved one's death. Pseudo names are used in this article.

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Remembering Rose

When Jeff heard that his Mom stood up her friend, Jaime's grandson's graduation party, we should have known immediately that something was very wrong. Not only did Rose love a party, but she especially loved being with her life-long friend Jaime, co-worker at Montgomery Ward when the two of them were in their early 20s. After hearing that Rose's circle of friends didn't know her whereabouts either, Jeff anxiously headed to Rose's condo to find that she had collapsed, unable to move or speak. Rose had suffered a massive stroke. That was May 31. The initial prognosis was that Rose would not survive the night, but she did, and the next morning when she was admitted to in-hospital hospice for "comfort care," she was a bit more responsive. Having no experience with hospice, we soon grasped the fact that "comfort care" for Rose would not include liquids or nourishment because she could not swallow. This fact triggered a critical moral question, "If Rose is not getting liquid and nutrition, will she die of the stroke or starvation?" After intense consultations with her attending physicians, it was clear that the more likely scenario was that starvation would cause Rose's death. And so began a few days of some of the most difficult, anguishing decisions we've ever made. We were faced not only with considering what Rose would want, but with what the morally right decision was to make. After much soul searching and wonderful support of the hospital chaplain, Rose's sister and close family members, we decided to have a feeding tube inserted. Rose was then transferred to a nursing home about 5 miles from our house, where she passed away peacefully with Jeff at her bedside on July 14 from complications of the stroke. Rose was a feisty, independent-minded woman who lived a long and full life of 86 years. She loved drawing, painting, creative sewing and ingenious craft making. She is remembered by many people as a "free spirit" who livened up any gathering. She will be missed. May she rest in peace.

© Alice Oden, 2008

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